Sizzling Summer Workout Guide

 

 

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the bees are buzzing, and the public beaches are chock full o' haraam.

Ahhhhh yes, my good friends- the joy of summer is here once again! It's that lovely time of the year when men and women excitedly don their skimpiest outfits in an effort to proudly showcase their fashion magazine-worthy physiques, complete with pot-bellies, flabby arms, and body fat that would give a Snorlax pokemon nightmares.

But where do Muslims like you and me fit in with this whole summer craze to jump into bikinis and speedos, and show off our chiseled washboard abs? I'm surprised that you asked- why don't you just consider joining in with all that summer fun?

Hahahaha! No.

You just cranked the haraam-o-meter up to blasphemy level 7 there, pal. Grow up.

 

But all this talk of summer beach bodies does raise an interesting discovery- that for all the scoffs and laughs that we direct towards our pot-bellied American neighbors, we Muslims aren't exactly known for our Olympic athleticism, either. We're usually not honest enough with ourselves to admit it, but underneath our shalwar kamees and jilbabs, we could all burn a little more fat, ya know?  Fortunately for you, our dedicated staff here at Muslim Medicine aren't just physicians- we're also self-certified faqihs in weightlifting and body-building fiqh. How do you earn an ijaaza in that kind of fiqh? That's a good question! I'm glad you asked.

So tell me guys- are you ready to get a body as impressively RIPPED as this one over the summer?

That's right- now THERE'S a physique that would make sisters not only lower their gazes, but burst into uncontrollable laughter at the sight of your sharply toned, cut muscular image. It's bodies like that one up above that put brothers on the fast lane to marriage. Don't believe me, guys? Well, that's because you're trying to understand this article with your brain. Trust us on this, don't use your brain. Immerse yourself in the typical male stereotype and let your muscles do the thinking for you.

This is Muslim Medicine's easy 5-step guide to setting up a SIZZLING SUMMER WORKOUT that will get you to develop the body image that you've always dreamed about, so you can proudly go outside and modestly cover yourself up so that you observe proper haya' and don't excessively reveal your body shape.

1 CHANGE YOUR DIET

The first step is always the most difficult. Put down that bag of cheese puffs, and push aside that double-layer gourmet chocolate mousse cake. All that halaal deliciousness just goes straight to your thighs. Junk-food and desserts taste phenomenal, sure- but they're like a bunch of Masjid uncles waiting for the bathroom- insofar that they just clog everything. Slow chubby believers make for easy prey for Shaitan- so don't let him fatten you up! Balance and moderate your food intake, and build enough courage to shock your friends and say NO to junk food, sugary treats, and fried cheesy fast-food.  

2 STOP HANGING AROUND CHUBBY PEOPLE

Your chubby friends will be a constant trial on you, so defriend then on Facebook and block them on AIM. Nah, just kidding. That's mean. Don't do that. They'll be sad. If you're planning on exercising or dieting, get your friends involved! Even if they don't particularly need it, it's always better to exercise with a friend. If they refuse, then try to bribe them. If they still stubbornly refuse, then sneak into their rooms and steal incriminating items from them to blackmail them. If even that doesn't work, feed them oily fatty foods for months on end until they're sufficiently fat, and then guilt them into working out with you. No matter what method you choose, just make sure they join you in keeping fit!

3 GET ACTIVE!

This is the the most important part of your sizzling summer workout! Sedentary lifestyles and pure laziness breed flabby bodies and increased body fat. So turn the TV off, close your laptop, put down the XBOX controller, and go outside! Play sports, lift weights at the gym, go jogging, or hit up ballet classes and dance. It's your choice- but conquer your laziness and give your body a good workout!

4 BE CONSISTENT

Like taking showers, being active and working out is never a one-time thing. You gotta engage in it on regular intervals to really make an impact on your body! So make a schedule for yourself to be active- but always make sure to stick to it like a grain of rice sticks to a brothers' beard for hours on end until he's awkwardly told to pick it out (and subsequently eat it out of curiosity).

5 HUMBLE YOURSELF

Having a great body image naturally endows you with a strong sense of self-confidence. While that's fantastic and certainly is an amazing feeling, it's important to keep that sentiment in check and not let it get to your head to the point that you begin to become self-obsessed about your personal body image. Just remember that your body's beauty and strength comes from Allah (swt), so be sure to show gratitude for it through your humility!