A medical manuscript depicting what appears to be an ancient Arab version of the popular Wii game "Trauma Center"
Since the advent of the 8th century and throughout the Golden Age of Islamic achievement, Muslims have made tremendous strides in the fields of health care, hospital systems, medical ethics, and disease research. Muslim physicians were world-renowned for their expertise and cutting-edge skills in treatment, at a time when most of the European world was still engulfed in the mire of the dark ages. The standards of medical care established by Muslim physicians from the 8th to the 15th centuries helped contribute to the progressive development of what we now know and practice as "Modern Medicine."
Here at Muslim Medicine, we're truly proud and deeply honored by the incredible achievements and milestones contributed by our predecessors. To this end, we can boldly claim that our site does little, if anything, to merit any real accolades of achievement in the field of medicine. If there were a Nobel Prize for bizarre stupidity, we would proudly stand as a second place runner-up behind the cast of Jersey Shore.
As much as we love throwing around obscure and purposefully confusing medical jargon, the simplest way to describe our site is the following- we're like the "Facebook poke" option of the Medical world- we don't serve any purpose other than to just poke people as a creepy gesture meant to fulfill a desperate cry for attention that can't otherwise be expressed through a simple human conversation. So what does that have to do with anything, you ask? That's a great question! You seriously shouldn't have asked it, though. It's incredibly annoying having to explain ourselves when clearly we don't know what we're talking about here.
The answer, however, is simple: sometimes it's better to have been poked and feel awkward, than to have never felt awkward at all.
I know you feel like doing this right now:
But I can assure you things are only going to get more awkward from here on out, so you might as well stay and desensitize yourself.
Muslim Medicine is more than just random idiocy- its focused idiocy that has a heart and soul of satirical reflection. It's a comical look at the strange behaviors and weird quirks that we all tend to express, knowingly or unknowingly. Its meant for kicks and giggles, yes- but there's far more to it than that. We're firm supporters of preventative medicine, and its our mission to make a better, healthier, and more productive society by warning of the disastrous consequences of ignoring our medical advice.
So the next time you find yourself having epileptic seizures after watching Justin Beiber's "Never Say Never" movie, or when you feel intense fiery heart-burn after having inhaled an entire tray of chicken tikka masala at someone's wedding reception (that you probably weren't invited to anyway), or when your parents eventually have "the talk" with you when you reach that tender age of 40, and it's finally time for you to stop living with them and get on with your life by marrying your cousin…
…don't expect your local family physician to magically solve all your problems with his so-called "medical degree" and his "evidence-based medicine." Modern medicine can only go so far- but for everything else, you can rest assured that Muslim Medicine will have the proper diagnosis and treatment.
So rest easy, my friends. You're in good hands with Muslim Medicine.