FAQs

 

Here you'll find all of the questions that burn in most people's minds whenever they browse around the site. Please note that we've gone through great lengths and conducted extensive research consisting of googling and/or wikipedia-ing to answer these questions, due to the sheer difficulty and inquisitiveness that they present.

 

Can I ask you a question?


What's the significance behind calling this "Muslim Medicine?"

I dunno- I'm not really good with titles. It's a site dedicated to the more humorous side of the Muslim Community, and it's all done with a Medical theme. So "Muslim Medicine" makes for a nice, simple, easy, memorable, deep, succinct, profound, and flavorful title. All in all it took me about 20 seconds or so to come up with it.


Are you really a doctor? What makes you qualified to even do any of this?

This question is irrelevant.

 

Can I be honest with you? I think your site is terrible.

 

What inspired you to take on this project?

It's a number of things, really- I've always loved creative writing, but I've never really found any consistent medium to truly push myself to realize my potential of combining all of the things I like doing into one unique focus. I'm passionate about medicine, I love comedy, and I really do like comforting people through lighthearted humor. Muslim Medicine was an idea I was playing around with for quite some time now, but it never actually materialized until now. Alhamdulillah, this is probably the most unique way I can combine all of my different interests together into one place, and share it with the entire world.

 

Do you offer free medical advice?

No.


Okay so, my 6 year old nephew started licking random doorknobs, and now he's running a high-grade fever and he has multiple rashes on his upper chest. Do you think maybe he caught something from his classmates at school?

I lick doorknobs all the time, and I'm perfectly fine. Your nephew most likely caught this at school.


Can I have a job here at Muslim Medicine?

No.


What if I give you my resume?

No.


Alright, I'll just leave my resume here.

 

If Sally had 4 apples, and David had 7, and Sally took 3 apples from David, but tripped over a rock at an angle of sin(35)/tan(90) and fell with a constant acceleration of 3 m/s with wind resistance of 0.005 meters per second, assuming a kinetic frictional constant of 0.3, she lets go of one apple at an initial velocity of 14 m/s and it enters into projectile free-fall motion. Given that the Earth's gravitational acceleration remains constant at 9.8 m/s2, at what x-component velocity would David be able to dive a distance of 15 meters in order to safely catch Sally from hitting the ground and fracturing her pelvis, while also catching the free-falling apple?

Okay so first, we set up the following equation:

HEEEYYY wait wait! That was clever! You almost had me there with this physics problem. This is actually a trick question- David loves apples, and he'd never let anyone take them from him. So if some random girl he didn't even know came along and stole 3 apples from him, he'd be furious. He wouldn't dive out to save her- he'd let her fall and drop all of her apples, and then he'd take them all for himself.


You smell good! What cologne are you wearing?

It's Febreeze.

 

When you're not working on the site, what do you like to do in your spare time?

 

Are you married?

Wow, this is awkward. Honestly, I'm not the kind of person who just puts himself out there so openly. But I'm glad you asked this question. I invite you to please visit all of my profiles on www.shaadi.com, www.singlemuslim.com, www.nikah.com, www.qiran.com, www.zawaj.com, www.salaamlove.com, www.matrimony.org, www.muslima.com, aaaannndddd www.halfourdeen.com.


I'm an orthopedic surgeon who has been practicing for over 35 years at Havard Medical Center. Am I able to contribute entries to your website?

No.


But I'm Board-certified, and I contribute regularly to the New England Journal of Medicine.

No.


Well, do you have guest contributions here?

No.


You should have them.

No.

 

Hey, why don't you showcase more sister doctors? 😉

Because you're seriously a creep.


Are these questions actually frequently asked?

Well, not all of them, no. You would think the marriage question would be the most frequently asked, but it's actually the physics question up there that's the most commonly asked.


I have a health care term paper due for class. Will you write it for me?

No.


What's your opinion on Obama-Care's impact on primary-care physician salaries?

Nice try. The answer's still no.

 

How much money do you make off of this site?

On any regular given day, I get approximately nothing. On a really good day when I get lots of traffic here, I make close to triple what I make on regular days.


Do you take yourself seriously?


I have a question that apparently isn't asked frequently. What can I do?

That's hard to believe, but I'm glad you asked! You can feel free to post your questions below if you want to, and I'll try my best to get around to them whenever I can.