Here at Muslim Medicine we employ some of the foremost medical experts in the world. Each valuable member of our elite team of physicians has gone through a ridiculously difficult and highly-competitive selection process before being offered a prestigious position here on our site. Their widespread fame and reputations clearly speak for them, which makes it easy to dismiss haters who constantly try to call their actual medical training into question.
"Hey, did ya hear about the neuron that had a big exam coming up? It was nervous!"
The fearless leader and CEO of Muslim Medicine, and the guy that usually appears next to the "Muslim Medicine" logos on the top of the screen. A man who shrouds himself in mystery for no apparent reason- his name is merely the letter "O" – and his glasses manage to stay on his face despite the fact that he clearly has no nose in that picture.
Dr. O didn't really graduate from medical school- his medical degree is a self-proclaimed ijaaza in advanced health-care fiqh, which he claims he received after spending hours on Facebook stalking the profiles of actual doctors. His prior medical experience includes watching almost all of the episodes of the show "House, MD" and photoshopping his head on to the bodies of doctors to prove to his friends that he really is a doctor.
"In my world, everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!"
Muslim Medicine's pediatric expert, Dr. Seuss is a longtime friend to the site, and one of its oldest contributors. His expertise is nearly legendary, and he has authored a vast collection of medical texts that are widely distributed to children worldwide.
His research covers a broad range of topics such as salmonella poisoning from consuming green eggs and ham, geriatric psychosis in green-furry grinches, hearing loss in elephant populations, and his most celebrated research publication- that of the prevalence of ADHD in bipedal cats wearing hats.
Dr. Pepper is one of the newest additions to Muslim Medicine's medical staff. With a light hint of luscious cherry flavor hidden in a frothy mist of golden fizz, this is a zesty drink that tastes as mysterious as the dark murky texture of its liquid elixir.
Like most newly licensed doctors, Dr. Pepper tends to become flat and tasteless after being left out for too long, so the Muslim Medicine staff usually just keeps him in the fridge.
"I'm gonna try and change the course of hip hop again"
The staff at Muslim Medicine had absolutely no idea that Dr. Dre was actually a rap artist when he was offered a position on our team. It was our initial understanding that it was actually his medical degree that made him a doctor, not his PhD in advanced hustlin' that he received at the University of Hard Knocks.
As a result of this miscommunication, Dr. Dre was recently appointed an adjunct position as Muslim Medicine's urban public health consultant, and medical swagger supervisor.
"You shall learn what it means to incur the wrath of Dr. Doom!"
Dr. Doom serves as the only sister physician on the Muslim Medicine team. At least we all think she's a sister- it's difficult to say, since she always wears a flowing bright green jilbab and is never seen without her steel-plated niqaab which only reveals her eyes. Her presence usually makes things awkward during meetings, since she doesn't tend to cover her bare steel legs, which makes it difficult for the other doctors to lower their gazes around her.